Today was the one-year anniversary of my dad’s death. The one thing I miss about my dad today is that even though we didn’t have a lot to talk about, I could walk up to him, sneak under his arm and wrap my arms tightly around his tummy. He had this warmth about him, I felt safe with him.
I feel like he speaks to me more now than he ever did when he was alive. When us kids were little, he was very often angry and negative. I know he regretted how negative and angry he was in later years. He could never express his emotions toward us. He kept them all bundled up inside. I know that he is free now and God is encouraging him to love me and praise me. I know that he wants so badly to tell me that he loves me and is proud of me.
He doesn’t need to tell me now-
I can feel his encouragement and love so much it makes me cry with joy and pain.
I went with Jon, Wes, Deb, Elise, Grandma and Deb’s friend Sheila today to my dad’s gravesite. A couple of weekends ago Deb, Deborah, Jon and Wes put the frame in for the concrete to hold the gravestone. So today they took the frame off, filled in dirt around it and layed some sod. Deb did such a great job picking out the headstone. It is perfect, even the color of the stone is dad.
Grandma said it was hard for her to see the headstone-made it more final for her. She said she was glad to come out and see it though. That is my dad's favorite hammer in the front by the way!
I’m not sure how I feel about today-I’ve been so busy with my life I haven’t had many quiet moments to myself to hear myself think. I just know that I miss hugging my dad.
I feel like he speaks to me more now than he ever did when he was alive. When us kids were little, he was very often angry and negative. I know he regretted how negative and angry he was in later years. He could never express his emotions toward us. He kept them all bundled up inside. I know that he is free now and God is encouraging him to love me and praise me. I know that he wants so badly to tell me that he loves me and is proud of me.
He doesn’t need to tell me now-
I can feel his encouragement and love so much it makes me cry with joy and pain.
I went with Jon, Wes, Deb, Elise, Grandma and Deb’s friend Sheila today to my dad’s gravesite. A couple of weekends ago Deb, Deborah, Jon and Wes put the frame in for the concrete to hold the gravestone. So today they took the frame off, filled in dirt around it and layed some sod. Deb did such a great job picking out the headstone. It is perfect, even the color of the stone is dad.
Grandma said it was hard for her to see the headstone-made it more final for her. She said she was glad to come out and see it though. That is my dad's favorite hammer in the front by the way!
I’m not sure how I feel about today-I’ve been so busy with my life I haven’t had many quiet moments to myself to hear myself think. I just know that I miss hugging my dad.
4 comments:
I love your blog. I love how you write, Leslie! You say everything with perfect honesty and humor too.
Thank you for posting these photos and your feelings about your Dad. I know there are lots of people with their hearts and minds turned to his memory right now at the year-mark of his passing. I cried when I read your thoughts, especially the part about how you feel him so closely now. We have experienced similar feelings, especially upon the birth of baby Finn. We love to think of Grandpa Mark sending Finn off to be with us here. Anyway, thanks for sharing. You are amazing, and I am so lucky to have you as a sister.
Oh- Leslie! What a good day to find your blog (on Brooke's)! I just want to say that your dad's headstone is gorgeous, & I am so excited for the next time I see my dad, because I tuck myself under his arm just like you. Thanks for the prompting. Your words are beautiful. I hope you don't mind if I put a link to you on my blog. It's so fun to keep in touch.
Jason here - that made me cry. Love you sis, I'm so proud of you!
That was awesome! I love the picture of Mark. We miss him so much! That watered my eyes.
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